


Waking Shadow, Sleeping Thought

by ERNest



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Dissociation, Gen, Introspection, Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 18:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15824406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERNest/pseuds/ERNest
Summary: Jean Valjean was in the dark, suffering in the dark, hating in the dark. He lived constantly in darkness, groping blindly, like a dreamer.-- Les Misérables 1.2.7: Profoundest Despair





	Waking Shadow, Sleeping Thought

Most of the time the man does not know what he is thinking. There clearly _are_ thoughts flying through his mind, but as soon as he tries to examine them, he forgets. All he knows for sure are the shadows which surround him, though too dimly to make out. These shadows could be the unjust laws of society, or the phantoms of hunger and loss, or just the prison guards, but no matter what they are, they are reflected in the twilight of his turbulent soul. He notices them only when his reveries are interrupted with a swift kick, then he cradles that seed of darkness to himself while he tries to follow the twisting paths of his mind back to where he was before.

The man could be a murderer. He does not know for sure if he is, and tests out the concept and the syllables for the first time in the home of the first person to treat him with dignity. It is a threat of all he’s capable of, or it is a warning so the other man can keep himself safe, or it is a test for his host. The words are all of these things and they are just something that he says without knowing why. The man was not a murderer when he entered the bagne, but the papers he carries after leaving it mark him as a dangerous man, and he really thinks he has the capacity to become one.

The man is woken by too much comfort and steals away into the shadowy night carrying a set of silver. The man is woken by two gendarmes who find him on the road and are immediately suspicious of such luxury in the hands of one such as him. The man is woken by the shade of a promise he does not remember making but _must_ have done when he wasn’t thinking clearly, because a priest would never lie. The man is woken by the chill night wind and the shadows he did not notice wrapping around him, and trembles at the evidence of his thoughtless theft from a child.

He sees a vision of the man he has been and the man he may become. One is monstrous and one is sublime, but both are impossible ideals for any human to reach, even given an entire lifetime. Still, once he has seen it, Jean Valjean cannot then go back to sleep.


End file.
